FARMER AND HIS COCKS....

sorry guys , i'm not able to blog these days because my university exams are going on and i was busy with my business, but i promise to return next month with all new adventures of mine and my experiences....anyways for now please satisfy yourself with this little dirty joke.....

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock to Young cock: "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

Young cock: What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.

Old cock: Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?
Young cock: No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.
Young cock: O.K. What kind of competition?
Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young cock: No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, Bang! ...... before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed,

"Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !"

FIVE KINGS ,WHO HAVE BROUGHT HAPPINESS INTO OUR LIVES

FIVE KINGS WHO HAVE BROUGHT HAPPINESS INTO OUR LIVES:

Smo-king

Drin-king

Lic-king

Suc-king and of course,

Fuck-king!

ENJOY!!!!!

FLEECED BY A PROSTITUTE.....

This incident happened this february....and I'm not proud of it. It was not actually a date...but the incident involves my brother and a prostitute.

well, this february, I was visiting my masi's (maternal aunt) house cuz my nani was sick that day. yes, my nani stays with my masi. And moreover my brother was in 12th standard and he had his board exams coming, so when I reached there I had nothing do cuz my mom and masi and nani were busy chatting and my brother was at his accounts tuition class in prashant vihar. My nani requested me to get some betel leaf from the market. I was getting bored so I called up my brother and asked him to bail out of tuition today and come home quickly and on the way home to get some betel leaf for nani. He was ecstatic to know that I was at his place so he promised to come quickly.:

My brother ditched his class, It was around 7 p.m . he quickly reached prashant vihar bus stop. After waiting for 20 minutes there was no sign of bus that he was looking for. Meanwhile he struck a conversation with a hobo standing over there. that guy pointed towards some girls waiting by the autorickshaw and told my bro that those girls were hookers.....My brother couldn't beleive it...he insulted that guy instantly. so that guy went over to one of the girls and brought her to my brother. the girl confirmed that she was a hooker and would be glad to satisfy my bro.

now my bro understood that the guy he was talking to was a pimp. anyways the hooker offered to have sex for 300 bucks only...this got my brother excited and he decided to go for it. the hooker invited him to the autorickshaw to take her whereever he pleased. now following is the conversation that took place between them:

ABHINAV(my bro): toh 300 mein kya kya karogi? (what u'll do for 300 bucks)

HOOKER: jo chaho, fucking sucking, kissing,jo man kare kar lena.(whatever u feel like,fucking and sucking)

ABHINAV: tum virgin ho?( R u a virgin?)

HOOKER: virgin, woh kya hota hai?( what is a virgin?)

ABHINAV; pehle chudai ki hai kya?( have u fucked anyone before?)

HOOKER: yeh kaisa sawaal hai? yehi to mera kaam hai.(wat kinda quest is that? this is my job.)

ABHINAV: kya main tere boobs daba sakta hoon?( can I press your boobs?)

HOOKER: haan daba lo..yeh lo..( yeah sure!! take these and feel them.)

ABHINAV: toh niche ke baal shaved hain?( have u shaved down there?)

HOOKER: na ,woh toh nahi hai...meri c**t pe baal hain( i've a hairy pussy, i don't shave down there.)

( NOW even my brother doesn't know what occured to him, he ordered the autorickshaw to stop and got down.)

ABHINAV: nahi ,mujhe nai karna.( I don't wanna do it, let me go)

HOOKER: koi baat nai, par mere paise toh de do.(it's ok, but give me my money)

ABHINAV:are kaise paise? maine toh kuch kiya bhi nai.( what money? i did nothing)

HOOKER:paise de nai toh ,police ko bulaungi.(loose ur money else i'll call the cops)

ABHINAV: bula le..tujhe hi pakdenge( call them they will arrest u)

AUTOWALA: bhai sahab,kuch paise deke baat yehi khatam karo nahi toh faltu mein panga hoga, thode bahut paise dedo.( sir, plz pay her some amount and finish the matter here else it will get complicated and u dont want that.)

ABHINAV: yeh le 50 rs..mere pass itne hi hain...( take 50 bucks i've only this)

he came running home, i was sitting outside, he narrated the whole story....and borrowed 50 bucks from me so that he can get nani's betel leaf. and when he returned we discussed the situation again and again and discussed what could have happened if he didn't pay up....two days later i accompanied my bro to his tuition cuz i had some work in prashant vihar and my brother showed me the bus stop where pimps and prostitutes were roaming like normal people. Even I wanted to try it..it was all before me..but getting it on with a prostitute even scared the shit outta me.

trust me its a true story.

WHY ISSAC NEWTON COMITTED SUICIDE [JOKE]

Here is the reason. Why Newton Committed Suicide.....


Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.


In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid.


Here are a few scenes

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.


3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess,

what he does. Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang... the gangster dies...


This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!


The 'climax' finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax. (Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?) Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.



Newton commits suicide...

HOW TO GET 6 PACK ABS IN 3 MONTHS

How to get 6 pack abs. Many people still wonder why getting 6 pack abs seems to be a hard way and really difficult to get it even if they try to control amount of food on every meal.However, building abdominal muscle everyday or taking supplement in Fat-Burner group still gives them a dissatisfy result of getting 6 pack abs.


Firstly you must know the fact of what basic process we should be done to get 6 pack abs in order to do a correct training and get the best result quickly as possible.

Abdominal Muscle Size Building

This means an enlargement size of abdominal muscle in each pack. So you will have a bigger size of abs muscle pack. Though you have not reduced amount of excess fat on your abs, you still can see each pack of abdominal muscle.This approach of size enlargement will help you increase groove depth in between each pack once you have already been in fat burning workout routine. Here are 7 proven tips to follow:Intensively train your abdominal muscle by increasing cast iron weight instead of increasing number of times for building abs

Use low Reps or between 10 - 15 reps/set

To build abdominal muscle size, you need to add calorie in the same way of building other main muscles. Don’t worry with your waistline that increases. It will be gradually reduced during your Lose-Fat Program.
Exercise on your abdominal muscle only 1-2 times each week
Assign program of abdominal muscle size enlargement at least 3 months (12 Weeks)

Take 4 exercises on abdominal muscle based on 4 different areas of muscle: Top, Bottom, Left/Right and Bottom Back muscleTraining style should be a slow movement manner that emphasize to specific portion of muscle that exercise throughoutUse higher Reps or between 30 - 50 reps/set

Do aerobic exercise for at least 30 minutes per dayDo not train abdominal muscle everyday.Too much training will make your abs look flat in stead of resulting a distinct 6 pack abs

5 THINGS U MUST HAVE SO THAT UR GIRLFRIEND NEVER LEAVES YOU.

Hello friends, today is valentine's day and I'm single again. As you all know ,few months back I had a disastrous break -up and recovering from such relationship in which you have put your heart and soul is a real tough task. I am not agaist love but I feel finding love is not an easy task.


What teenagers like me do is , search for a hot girl or a girl who they think they can get, approach the girl and irritate her till she gives up and becomes your girlfriend. they make big promises to each other and suddenly the teenage years are over and we are facing the real world where we destroy our careers for our love and she leaves us for the guy who has a solid income and a secured future, so what happens to the previous boyfriend, well he tries to figure out his career and try to excel, suddenly becomes mature and is determined to do better than ever. If this works out he ends up being a successful guy with no trust in love. If this doesn't works out he ends up a poor guy with a ruined career and a bad married life.Ultimately what happen's is the the TRUST in LOVE is LOST. so to save the loss of trust I came up with few ideas and after discussing with my friends I found them to be really true.

All this shit happens when the girl, whom you loved truly in teenage dumps you for any reason and never comes back.....so here I come up with 5 great QUALIFICATIONS and REQUIREMENTS which you must have so that your girlfriend never leaves you and you dont end up like the above mentioned characters.

here we go......

1.GOOD LOOKS : It is the first thing girls look out for. A great face, a good physique, charming smile, good personality, good speaking manner and dressing sense. If by any chance you are lacking it......plz dont read further cuz u lack the initial requirement.

2.FAT WALLET: here fat wallet means CASH. making your wallet fat with junk or laundry bills will not work out. Girls like guys who can spend their hearts out for them and never complain. My girl friend threatned to leave me when I denied her a pizza. If you are poor or middleclass, buddy it's tym to work hard and be rich. your motto should be "GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN' "

3.CAR: A car is must have. taking her out on auto rickshaw or on foot is not an option. If you are doing this stop right away and get yourself a car.



4. GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR: no matter your pet died, your family members are sick, no matter what, you must have a good sense of humour all the time to make her laugh. you should never share your problems and you must listen to and solve her problems all the time with a smile on your face.

5. HUGE DICK: of course u need a huge dick to make her squel. so that she wont run off to another guy .

These are the 'must have' qualifications if you don't want to lose your girlfriend. I know this post is rude but it is the truth.

Well if you don't have the qualifications then you are wasting your time on this planet, please go and kill yourself......and if despite of lacking all these qualificatins or some of them and your girlfriend,lover or wife is still with you and loves you EQUALLY and is concerned with your happiness and sadness then my friend you are the luckiest guy on this planet and happy VALENTINES DAY TO YOU only.

SAVED BY AN ANGEL !!!

January is about to extinguish itself and february will pass just like that. after that lakhs of young guys and girls will find themselves facing the dreaded board exams. I wonder why board exams are dreaded so much ,when everybody taking it performs really good.

My brother, whom i have mentioned in my many posts, is in 12th standard and is taking his pre-board exams right now, and his performance have disappointing so far and I'm really concerned about him. Only one month is left and he still is not taking it seriously. Lately I see these young tensed minds and they remind me of myself when I was in twelfth standard.

Year 2007, I was about to take my board exams, well I had medical stream in 12th standard, and when the first day my physics teacher walked in ,I promised my best friend that I'll fail physics bigtime. And my god , the exact thing happened. I failed my 1st term physics paper,and other two terms followed the same. My physics teacher was so furious with me that she guaranteed that i would fail my board exams too. I started visiting temples and prayed. pre-board results came and i had scored 3/100 marks.......yes you read it right. 3/100.

My board exams started , i started working hard, but physics was really tough, the exam was next day, and i still had 8 chapters to prepare, it was already 11'o clock in the night. I decided to visit the temple. I prayed to god , prayed god to save me, I was feeling pathetic and lost. I openedc my eyes and infront of was standing 'Gaurav Verma'. he was my senior at school, he already had passed out from school. he was visiting the temple because he too had an exam the next day. He saw me and came to wish me luck.

gaurav and me: saved by an angel

He asked me that how was my preparation? .tears rolled down my eyes and i said that i still had 8 chapters to prepare ,which i haven't read before. I believe God send him there, he agreed to teach me that night....he came to my home and he tutored me till 2 a.m in the morning. next day i reachede my examination centre to take the exam.....my physics teacher was there and she shot me a filthy , disgusting look....It was a do or die situation....anyhow i took the test, and couldn't believe that the paper comprised of most of the things "gaurav' taught me in those three hours.....

two months later results were out and unbelievebly I had scored 80% marks in physics. Really that day I WAS INDEED SAVED BY AN ANGEL....MY PRAYERS WERE ANSWERED.

THANKS!!!! .... FOR THE BROKEN DREAMS....

The world of dreams

Beckons me again

It's a dream of a world

With nothing else but pain...

Nothing feels right

Something is gone

I feel empty and hollow

My heart turns to stone...

It is you that I miss

It's my soul that is gone

Is this my destiny?

Forever alone?

I'm tired of wanting

I'm tired of needing

And each time I succeed

I am left dead and bleeding...

Say you love me

And I'll love you too

But I'll never say that I do

'Cause you wouldn't love me too...

I'm dedicating this poem to my ex-gf ,whom i loved a lot.......my feelings for her wont change,

but I won't take her back,

For I know that she will never comeback.....

and If she does anyhow,

it will be too late....

MAY SHE ROT IN HELL,

CUZ I WAS THE 'GAME" SHE PLAYED !!!.......

(i don't mean the hell part)

30 CRAZY THINGS I'D LYK TO DO BEFORE I DIE!!!

Well, there are many crazy things which people wanna do. today i've got nothing interesting to do , so i thought ,sharing my crazy fantasies would be a great topic. yes they are fantasies but one day i'd like to live them out. There are million things that i wanna do before i die, but i'd like to mention 30 such things as they randomly come to my mind right now......okay so here we go: 30 CRAZY THINGS I'D LIKE TO DO BEFORE I DIE.

1.GETTING MARRIED: of all the crazy things in this planet , this one's the craziest. i'd lyk to get married someday, but with a girl who shares my passion,plays video games with me , cooks me delicious food,never nag me about stuffs and yes always horny enough to have sex with me.

2.HAVING KIDS: I'd also lyk to have kids of my own, whom i can nurture myself and make them as awesome as I am, and yes that is the best way to serve my country ,because our country needs people like me.

3.BECOME A MOVIE STAR: wow! that is some fantasy. i'd lyk to experience the thrill, the pleasure of being loved by whole nation, the glitz and photo snapshots all over really impresses me. and unlike other movie stars I would spend tym with my fans.

4.BECOME A PORNSTAR: hey this is also a good carrer , atleast one gets to fuck more than he could dream. awesome...but STD's and infections are the sideeffects....god bless condoms.even if i become a pornstar ,i'll spend tym with my fans..hehehe

5. SLAP A CELEBRITY : but make sure he is not a superstar, riffraff celebrities like rakhi sawant, ravi kishan, gulshan grover would do.....it will make me famous.

6.PARAGLIDING: Paragiliding is one experience of being near to god. if you manage to land safe ...it's a great feat but if you fall to death ,then you will be with god for sure.

7.WHITE WATER RAFTING IN THE GANGES: even thinking about it gives me goose bumps.

8.BECOME A BUSINESS TYCOON: god these tycoons have thousands of crores ,whereas i have to satisfy myself with few hundreds. so i'd also like to be a tycoon....maybe i'll be most good looking Business tycoon there ever was cuz all these rich businessmen are as ugly as shit.

9. ALWAYS WEAR A SUIT: yes, wearing suits all the tym....even in summers . wearing suit gives you a polished look and girls do notice you. even the person wearing it gains a sense of confidence......and yes not to forget SUITS ARE FUN.......so SUIT UP......!!

10.HAVE SEX WITH A BLONDE(girl obviously): the ultimate fantasy of every indian guy ..no matter who he is...from rickshawala to head honcho of a business firm, from chandni chowk to china(yes, even chinese guys dream of having sex with blondes), from bihar to bangkok, yes every one wants to do it. ....and so do I.

11. HAVE A THREESOME: two hot chicks and me ......ohhhh!!!

12.HAVE SEX WITH AN EX: the best thing about this is that , there is a familiarity and you dont have to bear her tantrums.....it is the best sex...only lucky people get to do it.

13.HAVE SEX WITH A SOFT TOY: what????.......oh my god.....no more sex now...i've had enough.

14.WATCH RAM GOPAL VARMA MOVIES 100 times: ....ohh no...i'll die doing that......next....

15.HAVE SEX WITH THE HOUSE MAID: yes, I can do with some maid action.

16.HAVE SEX IN A PUBLIC TOILET: a clean one, plz.....what???? did i mention sex again!!!

17.BECOME A BEGGER FOR A DAY: yes just to experience what begers feel like, how they manage being hungry all day....

18. GO TO PRISON: yes, one of the craziest thing.......afterall it is a experience in itself.If gandhi did it...so can I.

19.FLY A PLANE: again one of the craziest thing for a normal guy like me......and I'll not crash it into any building.

20.LIVE IN A TREE HOUSE: oh ...i've only seen it in movies...maybe i can try building one....

21.BECOME UNIVERSITY TOPPER: I know this is possible ...but in order to top university exams ...i need to study......STUDY???? that is CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!

22.BECOME THE WORLD LEADER: power is the most sought after thing.....true.

23. AUDITION FOR A REALITY SHOW: the whole country is doing it....what should I be left behind.

24.GET A SIX PACK ABS: toughest thing to attain.....i've got a good physique but abs is the only thing lacking....I've a nice chest, back, biceps...(girls are u listening)...

25.SHAVING OFF MY HEAD: maybe later i can shave my eyebrows too.....it is one of the craziest thing my brother ever did.

26.WRITING A BLOG: Ohhh!!! I'm already doing that.

27.GET A TATTOO AND PIERCINGS: I'm an idiot and maybe it can help me look cool.

28.LEARN TO PLAY GUITAR:I'm a loser rockstar. maybe it proves to be a help.

29.DRINKING BEER NONSTOP AND ADVENTURE SPORTS: well beer will keep me high on spirits and maybe i can go on and see all the seven wonders of the world, or do some bungee jumping at niagra falls......anything stupid is adventure.

30.MILKING A COW: i guess thats the only thing left......isn't it?

31.GO TO A STRIP CLUB:........what????? YES ,going to a strip club is a must on my agenda...and yes i'll do that.....sorry .....you see the list goes on and on....

I'd like comments on this..people.......requesting comments is an insult.....oh yes insult reminds me of number 32...............

32..............................................

Mr. INVINCIBLE......STILL UNBEATEN

I'm compelled to write this post. Compelled by my own excitation. As i have shared with u all that how I won my first ever pool game....well this time I'm gonna write about how I beat a pro in a game of pool.......this new year is all about winning.....this year i started off with winning and I will end it on a winning note...cuz I've got nothing to lose.....



mr invincible...still unbeaten.

well the year of 2009 started.....it was chilling cold outside..I had decided to spend the first day of the year with my friends BHARAT and SATVIK. Satvik was little bit sick that day so I and Bharat went to his house. We wasted the day talking,joking,listening to music,etc....but after sometym in the afternoon the fun started to wear off......so we decided to play pool in a local sports bar in model town ,Delhi. well some really interesting things happened that day...but Bharat's going to write them in his blog....
oh yes, we went to the local sports bar to play pool.

As i've mentioned earlier that I've played pool once and miraclously won it. and yes I still doubted my capabilities and gameplay.Bharat had played it quite a lot of tyms ,and maybe this tym he beats me really bad. and Satvik, he is a pro. I've seen him play and i guess his opponents too get a shaky knee while playing against him. we were three people and together playing a game was of no use. so I and Bharat went on to play the first game and the winner would face Satvik in thye final.....yes Satvik was in the final cuz he was too gud at it.

Bharat and I squared off....and yes the game seemed pretty tough this tym...bharat was giving a tough competition...after 10 eventful minutes later i emerged victorious. yes i won the second game too.....

Finals: Satvik and i squared off...actually it was no competition for satvik..the game started , i was struggling and satvik potted the solids with ease. but I wasd determined and ave him a tough competition....and while he was struggling to pot his last black ball I potted my striped balls..it was left to one ball only and whoever pots it WINS....i was s5truggling right now I narrowly missed many pots...so did Satvik..it becoming interesting and our rental time was also running out. only one minute was left: i missed another loop , forty seconds left: satvik misses another, thirty seconds left: i do a foul, 10 seconds are left : Satvik gets the proper aim, states the desired loop....SHOT......he pots the last ball ...but in the wrong loop and I win......yes..

I guess my this new year may become very eventful and i continue winning.....Istarted off the year winning back to back pool games ...and I'm gonna end it winning the CAT entrance exams....wish me..